Inner turmoil: where does it come from?

Computer displaying a graphic of inner turmoil (Mia Landaverde/The Puma Prensa)

By Mia Landaverde, staff writer 

With life comes opportunities, with opportunities come achievements, with achievements come joy, and with joy comes… Well, joy? It’s perfect, it’s simple, it’s desired; what joyous lives we want to live as people on what we consider such a beautiful planet. Yet, this perfect idea of happiness is not reality. 

So, let's make it realistic. With life comes obstacles, with obstacles comes the idea of failure, with the idea of failure comes anger, with anger comes sadness, with sadness comes pain, and it goes on and on until you can’t really figure out what you want. You can’t figure out what you feel. You could have your greatest achievement displayed in front of you and still feel the tug at your chest, the knot in your throat, and why? You can’t help but question why the greatest achievements become fear and why you lose track of enjoying the ups that come with the downs. You don’t understand what you want, what you feel, you wish everyone would stop nagging, you wish everything could pause, you’ve lost sight of what life is supposed to mean, nothing is ever simple, pain is all you feel, your achievements are everything you can lose, and – pause. 

You’re spiraling. Not only are you spiraling, but you’re experiencing inner turmoil. What’s that, you may ask? Something much more present than you think. 

Realize how some of that word vomit doesn’t even make sense, it’s just a natural response. It lingers, and it feels a little too close to home. 

That isn’t to say everyone feels or has felt this way, but I have. Sometimes I still do. It’s odd, and often there isn’t an answer to any of it. 

Inner turmoil, according to Medium, is emotional and mental unrest someone may feel when things feel out of line inside. If that sounds familiar at all, you may have experienced inner turmoil yourself. It can seem like a battle, difficult to fight and push through. It’s heavy, discomforting, and it can feel invisible to the outside world. Though it might not even show on the outside, it doesn’t go unnoticed. Inner turmoil is an emotional battle that doesn’t need to be fought alone. It’s real, scary, and confusing, but there are always hands there to help. 

Why is this important at all? Well, maybe this can help someone out there who’s dealt with it. Inner turmoil isn’t as known as it may seem, and it can be disregarded easily, even by the people who experience it. It’s an obstacle that comes with life and it’s not meant to be ignored, but it’s there even when we may not have a clear reason why. 

There can be many contributing factors to inner turmoil, especially for students like us. According to Psychology Today, there can be inner and outer factors that affect how someone feels internally, and can cause a surge of anxiety and doubt. Factors like academic pressure, friendship drama, relationship issues, family expectations, and talks about the future can all cause us to experience our own inner turmoil. The list goes on and on, because as teenagers, we feel the need to apply ourselves to anything and everything we can. Sports, extracurriculars, hobbies, living up to the achievements of our parents at our age, and more. It starts to begin feeling like there’s always more. Then things start to spiral. 

You start to feel anxious, lost, out of control, and it can get worse the longer you feel such. It can cause irritability, anger, sadness, confusion, and discomfort. It can cause lack of motivation, lack of passion, a sense of loss for things one used to love. Inner turmoil isn’t simple, it isn’t easy to get through, and it holds genuine, negative effects on happiness and freedom. Sometimes it’s difficult to stop the spiral when it starts. Sometimes it feels like it won’t ever stop at all. 

That’s not the case. Yes, even I can admit that I have felt like the world was incredibly close to ending, but it didn’t. I’m here, aren’t I? You’re still here too, and you never have to go through every battle alone. Every worry, every bit of excitement, every random thought never has to be kept locked up on the inside. Support can be found, even when things become incredibly exhausting. 

Even when the time feels too slow, even when the room’s a bit too cold, or that sweater is just a tad too itchy, or when getting out of bed feels impossible, or when school’s the only time outside of the house. Even when the world feels black and white, with a timer counting down every second that feels wasted, you are not alone. No one ever is. Anyone can find support in people they never thought they’d ever find support in. 

High school isn’t easy, we all know that. This is one of the most crucial times of our lives, so life starts to feel insane. It’s valid, it’s normal, and the battles are bound to happen. Even when you may not have all the answers, you can push through. In the words of Elton John, I’m still standing and so are you (not exactly what he said, but you get it). Life is hard Pumas, but don’t let that stop you from living it. 

Inner turmoil isn’t easy, and you should always reach out to a friend, a colleague, a teacher, or anyone you might trust. We are always here to help. Keep pushing Pumas, you got this! 

When in crisis, here are online resources you can utilize: 

988 - Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 

741741 - Crisis Text Line 

(800)-843-5200 - California Youth Crisis Line